TED

視野を狭めていたのは些細なプライド―100日間拒絶チャレンジで学んだこと(TED)

カレンダー

ライフハックとしてではなく、英語学習にも極めて有用なのが、著名人が10分程度のプレゼンを行うTEDです。

TED Talksとは、あらゆる分野のエキスパートたちによるプレゼンテーションを無料で視聴できる動画配信サービスのことです。10年ほど前にサービスが開始されてから、政治、心理学、経済、日常生活などの幅広いコンテンツが視聴できることから人気を集めています。

RareJob English Lab

TEDは4000を超える膨大な数の動画があります。しかし慣れないうちは、動画の探し方や視聴のコツが分かりませんよね。この記事では、数多くのTEDを見てきた管理人(塩@saltandshio)が、心を揺さぶられたトークをあらすじと一緒にご紹介します。

ビジネス英会話を効率よく身につけたい方におすすめスクール

シェーン英会話
シェーンは1977年の創業以来、ネイティブ講師が英語を英語で教える「直接教授法」を採用しています。首都圏におけるスクール拠点数は、ネイティブ講師の英会話スクールでNo.1。駅から近いスクールが多いので通いやすく時間を有効に使えます。

スピークバディ パーソナルコーチング
1日1時間の短期集中トレーニングで、あなたの英語力向上をコーチが全力でサポートします。あなたの英語の世界が、劇的に変わります。

ジャ・ジャン: 100日間拒絶チャレンジで学んだこと

ジャ・ジャン: 100日間拒絶チャレンジで学んだこと

ジャ・ジャンが果敢に挑むのは、私たちの多くが尻込みする領域「拒絶」です。知らない人に100ドル貸してと頼むことに始まって、果てはレストランで「ハンバーガーのお代わり無料サービス」をお願いするなど、100日間拒絶されるという挑戦を行うことで、ジャ・ジャンは、拒絶されたときに起こりがちな精神的な苦痛や恥ずかしさに対する免疫を身につけていきます。そしてその過程で、自分の希望をただ伝えることで、絶対に無理と思える状況に可能性の扉を開くことができると気づいていきます(約15分)。

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つまづきの原因は、些細な出来事

6歳のジャ・ジャンに、ある悲劇が襲います。

先生は、クラスメイトの良い点をみんなで見つけて褒め合うという、素敵なアイデアを思いつきました。それは、最良のアイデアとなるはずでした。

40人いた生徒が、次々とクラスメイトから褒められて、先生の準備したプレゼントを受け取り自分の席に戻ります。だんだんと人数は減っていき、最終的に3人の生徒が残ります。なんと、ジャ・ジャンはそのなかの一人になっていました。

結局、ジャ・ジャンは誰にも褒めてもらえることなく、状況を見て慌てた先生に「他人に褒められるようなことをしましょうね」とわけのわからないアドバイスをもらったあと、プレゼントを受け取って席に戻ります。

この出来事が、ジャ・ジャンのその後の人生を大きく変えます。

自分には美点が無いというレッテルを貼られたジャ・ジャンは、もう二度と人から拒絶されたくないと強烈に思うようになったのです。

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30歳、うだつが上がらない人生から脱却を図る

8年後、ジャ・ジャンの住んでいる街にビル・ゲイツがやってきます。講演会を見に行ったジャ・ジャンは、ビル・ゲイツの話を聞いてとても感動します。すっかり舞い上がったジャ・ジャンは、「25歳までにマイクロソフトを買収する」という夢を抱き、それを手紙にしたためて家族に送ります。このとき、ジャ・ジャンは14歳でした。

ジャ・ジャンは、世界征服という夢に取り憑かれてしまったのです。

人には拒絶されたくない、しかし世界征服はしたい。2年後、ジャ・ジャンはとあるチャンスをつかみ、ビル・ゲイツのいるアメリカへと渡ります。起業家として、ジャ・ジャンは華々しいスタートをきるはずでした。14年後、30歳になったジャ・ジャンは、起業家になっていないばかりか、うだつが上がらない人生に行き詰まりを感じていました。

起業家になる夢を諦めたわけではありません。14歳の時に抱いた野望を実現しようと、いろいろなことに挑戦しようとしました。しかし、なにかしようとするたびに6歳のジャ・ジャンが足を引っ張り、結局は6歳のジャ・ジャンが勝利を収めてなにもうまくいかないのです。

それでも、ジャ・ジャンは30歳で起業にこぎつけます。スタートを切らなければ、何も話しは始まらないからです。融資を断られるたびに、ジャ・ジャンは傷つきます。やがて、ジャ・ジャンはあることに気が付きます。

良いチームや製品を自分は作ることが出来るだろう。しかし、その前に「自分自身がまず良いリーダーにならなければいけない」。6歳の自分をまず克服しなければいけないとジャ・ジャンは気が付くのです。

それからジャ・ジャンは、インターネットを使ってどうやったら過去のトラウマを克服できるか調べます。調べて行くうちに、ジャ・ジャンはなぜ自分がこれほどまで拒絶を恐れるのかという疑問を抱きます。

そんななか、ジャ・ジャンは「拒絶セラピー」というセラピーを見つけます。

拒絶セラピーとは

(1)30日間、外出先で自ら拒絶を求める。
(2)毎日、何かで拒絶されることを通じて、最終的には拒絶の痛みに対する免疫をつける

ジェイソン・コームリー

ジャ・ジャンは「拒絶セラピー」を気に入り、30日ではなく100日に変更して、それをブログに書くことを決めます。

気づきは、その初日に起きました。

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人生好転のきっかけも、些細な出来事

一日目、ジャ・ジャンは知らない人に100ドル貸してと頼むことにします。案の定、断られたジャ・ジャンは、その場から逃げるように立ち去ります。

相手は人のよさそうな人でした。自分の事情を話したり、理由を言うなど交渉する余地はあったはずです。しかし、ジャ・ジャンがしたことは『逃げる』ことでした。自分自身を映していた動画を見たジャ・ジャンは、その映像がまるで自分の人生の縮図のようだと思います。

ジャ・ジャンは決めます。2日目以降は絶対に逃げないと。

2日目は、ハンバーガーショップにて、コーヒーをお替りする要領で、ハンバーガーのお替りをお願いします。もちろん、断られてしまいますが次第にジャ・ジャンの心に変化が訪れます。

3日目は、ドーナツショップでオリンピックの五輪のように、ドーナツをつなげてほしいとお願いします。すると、なんと注文を受けてから15分後、店員さんはジャ・ジャンのお願いしたとおりに、オリンピックの形をしたドーナツを作って持ってきてくれたのです。この出来事がジャ・ジャンの人生を大きく変えました。

録画した動画は再生回数が500万回を超え、TVにも出演し、ジャ・ジャンは多くの人からメールをもらうようになりました。ただ、ジャ・ジャンは名声に興味はありません。ジャ・ジャンが望んでいたのは、学ぶこと、そして自分を変える事だったからです。

拒絶チャレンジを行っていく中で、ジャ・ジャンは魔法のキーワード「なんで?」を手に入れます。相手に拒絶されたら、「なんで?」と聞くようになったのです。これにより、ジャ・ジャンは断るほうにも事情があるということを学ぶのです。

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気付けば、自分の夢をかなえていた

ジャ・ジャンは自分が拒絶されたとしても、それが自分の容姿や性格のせいなどではなく、自分の提案と相手の希望がマッチしていなかっただけということに気が付きます。そして、相手が自分に対して抱いた疑念を聞かれる前に口にすれば、信頼を得られるということも知ります。

それは、自分の夢をかなえる方法でもありました。

実際に、ジャ・ジャンは相手に自分の要望を逃げずに伝えたことで、自分の夢をかなえてしまいます。大学で授業を行いたいという要望を伝えたところ、2回拒否されてしまいましたが、3回目で大学側が受け入れてくれたのです。

大学側が受け入れてから3か月後、ジャ・ジャンは教壇に立って授業を行っていました。授業を終えたジャ・ジャンは、夢がかなったと嬉し涙を流します。特別な資格がなくとも、相手からの拒否を乗り越えたことで、自分の夢まで実現させてしまったことに感動したのです。

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結論:夢も希望も、裏切るのは他人ではなく自分自身

歴史に名を残す人々の人生は、決して順風満帆ではありません。

誰しもが、必ず最初は『拒絶』を受けています。しかし、彼らは拒絶によって自分の可能性を限定することなく、拒絶に対する自分の反応の仕方で、自分の道を決めてきたはずです。

そうして拒絶に向き合った結果、偉業を成し遂げてきました。

ジャ・ジャンはその後、拒絶をチャンスに変える方法を人に教えるようになりました。現在は、さまざまな媒体を通して、拒絶への恐怖心を克服する手助けを行っています。

ラストに話したジャ・ジャンのメッセージを、さいごにお伝えします。

次に壁にぶつかり失敗に直面したら可能性について考えてみてください。

逃げないで下さい。

ただ 向き合うだけで賜物に変わるかもしれません。

When you get rejected in life, when you are facing the next obstacle or next failure, consider the possibilities.

Don’t run.

If you just embrace them, they might become your gifts as well.

英語全文

When I was six years old, I received my gifts. My first grade teacher had this brilliant idea. She wanted us to experience receiving gifts but also learning the virtue of complimenting each other. So she had all of us come to the front of the classroom, and she bought all of us gifts and stacked them in the corner. And she said, “Why don’t we just stand here and compliment each other? If you hear your name called, go and pick up your gift and sit down.” What a wonderful idea, right? What could go wrong?

<英語全文を読む>

Well, there were 40 of us to start with, and every time I heard someone’s name called, I would give out the heartiest cheer. And then there were 20 people left, and 10 people left, and five left … and three left. And I was one of them. And the compliments stopped. Well, at that moment, I was crying. And the teacher was freaking out. She was like, “Hey, would anyone say anything nice about these people?”

“No one? OK, why don’t you go get your gift and sit down. So behave next year — someone might say something nice about you.”

Well, as I’m describing this you, you probably know I remember this really well.

But I don’t know who felt worse that day. Was it me or the teacher? She must have realized that she turned a team-building event into a public roast for three six-year-olds. And without the humor. You know, when you see people get roasted on TV, it was funny. There was nothing funny about that day.

So that was one version of me, and I would die to avoid being in that situation again — to get rejected in public again. That’s one version. Then fast-forward eight years. Bill Gates came to my hometown — Beijing, China — to speak, and I saw his message. I fell in love with that guy. I thought, wow, I know what I want to do now. That night I wrote a letter to my family telling them: “By age 25, I will build the biggest company in the world, and that company will buy Microsoft.”

I totally embraced this idea of conquering the world — domination, right? And I didn’t make this up, I did write that letter. And here it is —

You don’t have to read this through —

This is also bad handwriting, but I did highlight some key words. You get the idea.

So … that was another version of me: one who will conquer the world.

Well, then two years later, I was presented with the opportunity to come to the United States. I jumped on it, because that was where Bill Gates lived, right?

I thought that was the start of my entrepreneur journey. Then, fast-forward another 14 years. I was 30. Nope, I didn’t build that company. I didn’t even start. I was actually a marketing manager for a Fortune 500 company. And I felt I was stuck; I was stagnant. Why is that? Where is that 14-year-old who wrote that letter? It’s not because he didn’t try. It’s because every time I had a new idea, every time I wanted to try something new, even at work — I wanted to make a proposal, I wanted to speak up in front of people in a group — I felt there was this constant battle between the 14-year-old and the six-year-old. One wanted to conquer the world — make a difference — another was afraid of rejection. And every time that six-year-old won.

And this fear even persisted after I started my own company. I mean, I started my own company when I was 30 — if you want to be Bill Gates, you’ve got to start sooner or later, right? When I was an entrepreneur, I was presented with an investment opportunity, and then I was turned down. And that rejection hurt me. It hurt me so bad that I wanted to quit right there. But then I thought, hey, would Bill Gates quit after a simple investment rejection? Would any successful entrepreneur quit like that? No way. And this is where it clicked for me. OK, I can build a better company. I can build a better team or better product, but one thing for sure: I’ve got to be a better leader. I’ve got to be a better person. I can not let that six-year-old keep dictating my life anymore. I have to put him back in his place.

So this is where I went online and looked for help. Google was my friend.

I searched, “How do I overcome the fear of rejection?” I came up with a bunch of psychology articles about where the fear and pain are coming from. Then I came up with a bunch of “rah-rah” inspirational articles about “Don’t take it personally, just overcome it.” Who doesn’t know that?

But why was I still so scared? Then I found this website by luck. It’s called rejectiontherapy.com.

“Rejection Therapy” was this game invented by this Canadian entrepreneur. His name is Jason Comely. And basically the idea is for 30 days you go out and look for rejection, and every day get rejected at something, and then by the end, you desensitize yourself from the pain. And I loved that idea.

I said, “You know what? I’m going to do this. And I’ll feel myself getting rejected 100 days.” And I came up with my own rejection ideas, and I made a video blog out of it.

And so here’s what I did. This is what the blog looked like. Day One …

Borrow 100 dollars from a stranger. So this is where I went to where I was working. I came downstairs and I saw this big guy sitting behind a desk. He looked like a security guard. So I just approached him. And I was just walking and that was the longest walk of my life — hair on the back of my neck standing up, I was sweating and my heart was pounding. And I got there and said, “Hey, sir, can I borrow 100 dollars from you?”

And he looked up, he’s like, “No.” “Why?”

And I just said, “No? I’m sorry.” Then I turned around, and I just ran.

I felt so embarrassed. But because I filmed myself — so that night I was watching myself getting rejected, I just saw how scared I was. I looked like this kid in “The Sixth Sense.” I saw dead people.

But then I saw this guy. You know, he wasn’t that menacing. He was a chubby, loveable guy, and he even asked me, “Why?” In fact, he invited me to explain myself. And I could’ve said many things. I could’ve explained, I could’ve negotiated. I didn’t do any of that. All I did was run. I felt, wow, this is like a microcosm of my life. Every time I felt the slightest rejection, I would just run as fast as I could. And you know what? The next day, no matter what happens, I’m not going to run. I’ll stay engaged.

Day Two: Request a “burger refill.”

It’s when I went to a burger joint, I finished lunch, and I went to the cashier and said, “Hi, can I get a burger refill?”

He was all confused, like, “What’s a burger refill?”

I said, “Well, it’s just like a drink refill but with a burger.” And he said, “Sorry, we don’t do burger refill, man.”

So this is where rejection happened and I could have run, but I stayed. I said, “Well, I love your burgers, I love your joint, and if you guys do a burger refill, I will love you guys more.”

And he said, “Well, OK, I’ll tell my manager about it, and maybe we’ll do it, but sorry, we can’t do this today.” Then I left. And by the way, I don’t think they’ve ever done burger refill.

I think they’re still there. But the life and death feeling I was feeling the first time was no longer there, just because I stayed engaged — because I didn’t run. I said, “Wow, great, I’m already learning things. Great.”

And then Day Three: Getting Olympic Doughnuts. This is where my life was turned upside down. I went to a Krispy Kreme. It’s a doughnut shop in mainly the Southeastern part of the United States. I’m sure they have some here, too. And I went in, I said, “Can you make me doughnuts that look like Olympic symbols? Basically, you interlink five doughnuts together … “I mean there’s no way they could say yes, right? The doughnut maker took me so seriously.

So she put out paper, started jotting down the colors and the rings, and is like, “How can I make this?” And then 15 minutes later, she came out with a box that looked like Olympic rings. And I was so touched. I just couldn’t believe it. And that video got over five million views on Youtube. The world couldn’t believe that either.

You know, because of that I was in newspapers, in talk shows, in everything. And I became famous. A lot of people started writing emails to me and saying, “What you’re doing is awesome.” But you know, fame and notoriety did not do anything to me. What I really wanted to do was learn, and to change myself. So I turned the rest of my 100 days of rejection into this playground — into this research project. I wanted to see what I could learn.

And then I learned a lot of things. I discovered so many secrets. For example, I found if I just don’t run, if I got rejected, I could actually turn a “no” into a “yes,” and the magic word is, “why.”

So one day I went to a stranger’s house, I had this flower in my hand, knocked on the door and said, “Hey, can I plant this flower in your backyard?”

And he said, “No.” But before he could leave I said, “Hey, can I know why?” And he said, “Well, I have this dog that would dig up anything I put in the backyard. I don’t want to waste your flower. If you want to do this, go across the street and talk to Connie. She loves flowers.” So that’s what I did. I went across and knocked on Connie’s door. And she was so happy to see me.

And then half an hour later, there was this flower in Connie’s backyard. I’m sure it looks better now.

But had I left after the initial rejection, I would’ve thought, well, it’s because the guy didn’t trust me, it’s because I was crazy, because I didn’t dress up well, I didn’t look good. It was none of those. It was because what I offered did not fit what he wanted. And he trusted me enough to offer me a referral, using a sales term. I converted a referral.

Then one day — and I also learned that I can actually say certain things and maximize my chance to get a yes. So for example,one day I went to a Starbucks, and asked the manager, “Hey, can I be a Starbucks greeter?” He was like, “What’s a Starbucks greeter?” I said, “Do you know those Walmart greeters? You know, those people who say ‘hi’ to you before you walk in the store, and make sure you don’t steal stuff, basically? I want to give a Walmart experience to Starbucks customers.”

Well, I’m not sure that’s a good thing, actually — Actually, I’m pretty sure it’s a bad thing. And he was like, “Oh” — yeah, this is how he looked, his name is Eric — and he was like, “I’m not sure.” This is how he was hearing me. “Not sure.” Then I ask him, “Is that weird?” He’s like, “Yeah, it’s really weird, man.” But as soon as he said that, his whole demeanor changed. It’s as if he’s putting all the doubt on the floor. And he said, “Yeah, you can do this, just don’t get too weird.”

So for the next hour I was the Starbucks greeter. I said “hi” to every customer that walked in, and gave them holiday cheers. By the way, I don’t know what your career trajectory is, don’t be a greeter.

It was really boring. But then I found I could do this because I mentioned, “Is that weird?” I mentioned the doubt that he was having. And because I mentioned, “Is that weird?”, that means I wasn’t weird. That means I was actually thinking just like him, seeing this as a weird thing. And again, and again, I learned that if I mention some doubt people might have before I ask the question, I gained their trust. People were more likely to say yes to me.

And then I learned I could fulfill my life dream … by asking. You know, I came from four generations of teachers, and my grandma has always told me, “Hey Jia, you can do anything you want, but it’d be great if you became a teacher.”

But I wanted to be an entrepreneur, so I didn’t. But it has always been my dream to actually teach something. So I said, “What if I just ask and teach a college class?” I lived in Austin at the time, so I went to University of Texas at Austin and knocked on professors’ doors and said, “Can I teach your class?” I didn’t get anywhere the first couple of times. But because I didn’t run — I kept doing it — and on the third try the professor was very impressed. He was like, “No one has done this before.” And I came in prepared with powerpoints and my lesson. He said, “Wow, I can use this. Why don’t you come back in two months? I’ll fit you in my curriculum.” And two months later I was teaching a class.

This is me — you probably can’t see, this is a bad picture. You know, sometimes you get rejected by lighting, you know?

But wow — when I finished teaching that class, I walked out crying, because I thought I could fulfill my life dream just by simply asking. I used to think I have to accomplish all these things — have to be a great entrepreneur, or get a PhD to teach — but no, I just asked, and I could teach.

And in that picture, which you can’t see, I quoted Martin Luther King, Jr. Why? Because in my research I found that people who really change the world, who change the way we live and the way we think, are the people who were met with initial and often violent rejections. People like Martin Luther King, Jr., like Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, or even Jesus Christ. These people did not let rejection define them. They let their own reaction after rejection define themselves. And they embraced rejection.

And we don’t have to be those people to learn about rejection, and in my case, rejection was my curse, was my boogeyman. It has bothered me my whole life because I was running away from it. Then I started embracing it. I turned that into the biggest gift in my life. I started teaching people how to turn rejections into opportunities. I use my blog, I use my talk, I use the book I just published, and I’m even building technology to help people overcome their fear of rejection.

When you get rejected in life, when you are facing the next obstacle or next failure, consider the possibilities. Don’t run. If you just embrace them, they might become your gifts as well.

Thank you.

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TEDまとめ(1):エキスパートたちが贈る極上のメッセージ ライフハックとしてではなく、英語学習にも極めて有用なのが、著名人が10分程度のプレゼンを行うTEDです。 TED Talksと...